FIND SILENCE, HEAR LOUDER

I crave solitude like I crave chocolate; suddenly and frequently.

I am no recluse, I enjoy the company of others. There is an unmatched sense of belonging that comes with being in the company of those you love and adore. When I am with my people, all are given an unspoken permission to speak freely and a vow of absolute confidence. I even enjoy adversarial company, conversations and tense discussions that challenge you to stand for something and reflect upon your reasons.

My problem is not being with people, my problem is when being with people for too long gets in the way of my being by myself.

I can tell almost instantly when my threshold of people time has been reached. It starts from the inside - my thoughts start rushing together and my focus wanes. Then it becomes a physical response – slower breathing, blinking eyes. I can tell my energy is sapped, often resulting in a deep tiredness that is quenched only by sleep. Many a friend or family member has experienced my falling asleep mid hangout, car ride or even dinner (sorry!).

I used to be apologetic about it or try to push through and be places and do things even when I know I’m not up for it. But I’ve come to realise it’s got nothing to do with the people and everything to do with my need to recharge and regain energy from a place of solitude. Now, I have come to own it as my process, it’s what allows me to be at my best for the people that deserve that from me.

For my birthday, I gifted myself solitude.

I went to Tasmania for three days by myself to explore and just BE. To enjoy the silence that ensues when you’re alone. It is this silence that forces me to ask bold questions about myself, about my beliefs, my actions and my choices.

The greatest reward of this silence is it allows me to HEAR LOUDER. To listen to my inner voice, and get to be a part of the dialogue.

Taking time to be alone, enjoying my own company, and refreshing is essential. It allows me to know myself better. It allows me to be better for others.

I’m not afraid of the silence, I relish it.

S.

Bristowe Lavender Estate, Tasmania. Missed the purple lavender but not the purple ice cream